The search.
I have spent years away from the church. Not away from God or community but away from church. I grew up there. It is the “family business” so to speak. Dad is a pastor, brother is a pastor, I am not a pastor. I have avoided the place for a few years now. I will have sporadic attendance somewhere. I like going to church on the beach, for instance. I am finally realizing that it is time for me to face whatever it is that I have been avoiding. To finally ask myself why I have been avoiding it. I am sure it has less to do with "the church" and more to do with me, my heart, my past/present/future. I don't miss church. I don't wake up on Sunday and wish I was headed to hear the next Sermon on the Mount. I just don't understand where it stopped for me. Why it stopped for me. Why I like Jesus so freaking much and yet I hate the church. Hate is a strong word and I must say that I really do mean it. I'm going to try some of those "emerging" churches. Some "orthodox" churches. Where do I fit? Do I fit? Do I have to fit? does it really matter? Here is my journey. I want it to be honest and real. These are both things that I haven't found in church yet. Here is my first of many experiences. Mosaic church - lots of hype, wondering what it is all about.

Mosaic – March 25, 2007
5:00 service: The Mayan Downtown L.A.

I was definitely in a night club – low lights, fog machine, people with head microphones instead of real ones. Here is how the night went down:

1. Video Presentation
-it was a little intro into “Soul Cravings”
2. Dance – that’s right a dance
-people dressed as robots
-fog machine
-I didn’t get it
3. Video Montage of Erwin speaking: Soul Cravings
4. Video Short
-guy and girlfriend in car talking to fast food speaker
-tie in to craving intimacy but battle dysfuntion
5. Dance – another one
-Plumb song “Can you Hear Me?”
-still didn’t understand the significance
6. Video Montage: Erwin: Intimacy Part One
7. Music
-acoustic guitar, singer = incredible
8. Video Montage: Erwin: Intimacy Part Two
9. Testimonial Video
-speaking of the past (drugs/teenage pregnancy) and the future
10. Dance:
-Lauren Hill’s “Zion” (fog machine again)
-main dancer was son from aforementioned video testimonial
11. Video Montage: Erwin: Destiny
12. Music
-drum track in the background, guy on acoustic
13. Video Montage: Erwin
14. Video Short: Laundry
15. Testimonial Video: Depression and Community
16. Music
-live band/fog machine/back ground visuals
17. Video Montage: Erwin: Meaning Part Two
18. Video Short: Finding God
19. Dancing – this time with signs
20. Closing guy
-story about pursuing waiter. Waiter avoids him. Waiter contacts him because his “soul” desired to

No one spoke to me - no one even noticed I was there. This is common with most churches. I didn't let that stop me or bring me down. I approached a few people afterwards at the "Ten Minute Party" where first time visitors were directed. I think I spoke with someone straight out of greeter training.
Greeter: Hello, I don't think I have seen you before - my name is __________
Me: yeah, this is my first time
Greeter: What is your name and where are you from?
Me: Katie, Hermosa Beach.
Greeter: Wow, so nice to meet you.
It went on and on - almost out of a script. Pretty funny. It is good that they are training people on how to approach them. I thought it was sweet.
The stage was filled with art work. The lights were low. Having not been to the last eight weeks I don’t think I fully understood the “culminating event” that I walked into. I will attend again on a "normal" Sunday. The greeter that I spoke to said that this was not normal.